Should I Stay or Should I Go, Update July 12-August 10

“Somewhere inside that hurting body, there is something better, something stronger, something real.”

― R. M. Drake

Man, it’s been a while since I have done an update. There has been so much going on and time seems to be flying by, but treatment weeks seem very long. Since I last did an update, I have done almost two full protocols.

So let me catch you up. In July my second week of detox was pretty bad, I was sick Tuesday through Sunday morning, when normally I would start being a normal sick human. The trial third week off went well. My main issues were extreme exhaustion and fatigue, with some nausea, BUT it was for a good reason.

I feel like the third week off was a gift from God. We had Rebe Day, where Nikki drove us up to Boone and visited Rebe’s parents. It was such a good visit and good conversations. Then Nikki and I spread a few rocks I had painted to a couple meaningful places for Nikki, Rebe, and me. We would have like to have done a bit more of the rock spreading but what we did was really fun and brought about a lot of special memories. Lastly, Nikki and I met a group of the old Boone gang at Dos. One of my friends I hadn’t seen in thirteen years! Oh, how it did my heart good to see everyone and hear from everyone. I was so spent by the end of the day (actually just by the end of the ride to Boone ha-ha), but my heart was so very delighted. Rebe Day really carried me through the next day, which was the anniversary of her passing, that and I was too fatigued to sit up for two days after.

One Friday I was able to sit up and function more, so Mom and Dad gave me the opportunity to attend a worship night. The night was amazing!!! It was so good. After a friend asked how I was feeling and I replied, “I think everything in my body is broken, but it was worth it.” Ha-ha

The next day I had another opportunity. I pumped myself up, because exhaustion and fatigue are real, to volunteer an hour with my e-group (like a small group but online) at

Elevation church. I got to write birthday cards while my e-group friends stuffed baggies for children who otherwise don’t have the resources at home to really celebrate their birthdays. It was so much fun to meet some of my E-group in person. Afterwards, I crashed for the day and worked on recovery from the amazing week on Sunday. The whole week was really tough on me. I kept feeling like I needed to cry because my body was so exhausted and HUGE gift. The week completely delighted my heart and blessed my socks right off.

The following weeks I had treatment. It was pretty tough, much like the previous treatments. Major stomach pain, nausea, pain, exhaustion, mainly in bed and so forth.

At the end of week one Mom had a bake sale fundraiser. It went really well. Nikki drove me up to visit for an hour or two. I am so grateful to all those who gave of their time, effort, and money to help the fundraiser become a success!!!

By the end of week two I was sick but there was a whirlwind of family and baby showers for my younger brother and his wife taking place for the weekend. I attended the one on Saturday. It involved a two-hour drive that made me so sick, massive migraine. The shower was nice, but I was so sickly and the carried was really tough on the way home. I went straight to bed once we got home and was in bed for half the next day. Sunday evening, we had another shower out of town. I did much better with that trip and shower other than stomach issues.

Some pockets of joy for this past month: I got to celebrate my nephew’s birthday in the midst of treatment.

I was so fortunate to celebrate Rebe day, to honor my best friend Rebe by getting together with family, friends, and as well as memorable places. I got to watch a beautiful sunflower bloom on my back porch as well as an entire box of colorful flowers.

Also, getting to see family through the baby showers and celebrate my niece coming.

Furthermore, one of my nieces got to spend extra time in town with us and a special

visit from my uncle.

I always feel so delighted to see my nieces and nephews and hear about all the new and happening things in their lives.

Lastly, I have tried cooking some new meals and they have worked out, totally delicious with less blow back.

I’m having some intense back and sternum pain along with some joint pain this week, enough so to think about going to the hospital but I try to not go if at all possible. Also, I have developed an allergy to an important part of my bandage, the biopatch, that keeps the port insertion site sterile and safe. I’ve got blistering surrounding the site and we are working towards a solution to this, but it is not an easy fix and is painful and very itchy. Please be praying as we navigate pain and continuing treatment. I am excited to see victories play out as treatment continues. I appreciate all the love and encouragement, as well as those who helped with the fundraiser! Thank you for those really sticking with me along this journey~