Look at How Far I Have Come!

Jan 25, 2021
3 min read

Looking at this past week its been tough. I have been sickly, had lots of pain that is still happening even now and yet I am so amazed at how far I have come in one year!

Social media keeps reminding me how bad last January was for me, which had nothing to do with COVID-19. I was insanely sick. My digestive system was failing and rejecting all food within three hours of eating, my dog was having seizures and cognitive issues, I was not sleeping, all while still trying to teach English to Chinese students online. I remember my digestive system was so out of whack, that I would get sick in the middle of class and have to leave. All of this took a grave toll on me not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. I was extremely lonely and isolated and my depression and anxiety from Lyme’s presence were increasing every day.

So lets fast forward past all the hospital trips, tests, digestion fail making it were I couldn’t eat for 17 days, my dog dying, COVID-19 taking over the world, lots of stress; to now.

This past week I was pretty sick, as I call it “I had a bed day.” Yes, other than an early AM to LabCorp for blood work with very little sleep, I had a massive migraine and nausea. Sounds, light, smells, movement, even air moving; made me feel worse. I slept over 8 hours during that day, which is more than I ever sleep at night. The next day I was able to get out of bed, but my body was in so much pain, from my joints to inflammation throughout my body, still had a migraine, I was so exhausted, and could not seem to get anything accomplished. By Friday I had a small breakdown and was still in pain but not ask bad as the days prior. My sleep “routine” was beyond off, and I was having trouble getting all my meds in.

So why do I say all this? Things have not been the best this week, but in looking back Wow! Things have surely changed! As you can see, I still have rough days, weeks even. I don’t have days without pain or feeling sick. However, there have been so many improvements. I am so incredibly grateful for the doctors and the new additional specialist from this past year! Because of all the meds, supplements, enzymes and therapies; my body is truly gearing up to kick some major Lyme booty. Of course, support from family and friends, who have been there for me in various ways, has helped even more. I may get down or even feel lonely, and though I never see people in person, I feel less alone than I did this time last year.

Sometimes I feel at a standstill when people ask how I am doing? Do I say, “ok” or “I’m alright” or give them an honest answer and if so, how honest? How can you feel poorly and even more poorly without being a negative Nancy? How do I say I am feeling better today without conveying I feel fine? I never feel fine, I’m just having a “normal” pain day. I’ve really learned that there is a beautiful balance of all these things.

So today I want to say I acknowledge my improvements. I won’t analyze what that acknowledgement may allude others to believe in how I feel. BUT I am so grateful for the minds of the medical professionals that have worked so hard to get me to where I am today and are sticking with me for the upcoming season. I am so thankful for the people who are actively in my life supporting me. I am so amazed at the ways God has been with me through all of this and is opening paths for my next season even now as I type. I am astonished and beyond grateful that my health is not what is was a year ago.